Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My vagina is very pro this idea
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