mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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