No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
