I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
