my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
