A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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