I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
