There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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