Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
