does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
