I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
