Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let's get the cat blown out
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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