Who wears a wallet chain?!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
