he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
