I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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