They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
foreskin is a definite game changer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
