You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
