i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
