Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
