all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
