Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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