yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
