I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
