I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
