And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
