One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
