He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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