The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
