you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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