i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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