I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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