You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can text with my tongue
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
