I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
