Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
did you just send me my own nude
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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