ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
