There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
