just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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