buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
