I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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