Yo dont text me then not text me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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