Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
