Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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