How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
