your parents love me but you hate me
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
