k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
