If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
