Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
