The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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