I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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