Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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