Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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