I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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