when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
