That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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