no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
