i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE