I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?