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What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
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