a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Bring me that man meat
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*