i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.