someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
