Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
