if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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