from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
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She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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