All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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