I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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