Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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