Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
