just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
