Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
