SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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