Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
