im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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