I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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