this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
