i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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