i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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