He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
