Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
