Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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