If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found puke in my bra..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
