Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
